Bridget Jenkins Counselling

It’s one of the more confusing things we experience as humans: you’re in a relationship – maybe romantic, maybe a friendship – and something small happens, but it hits you like a tidal wave. A comment. A look. A cancelled plan. Suddenly, you feel hurt, rejected, angry, or deeply anxious… and you’re not quite sure why.

This is something I see often in the therapy room – and if it’s something you’ve noticed in your own life, please know you’re not alone.

Relationships have the unique power to bring joy, connection, and healing – but they can also touch the places inside us that haven’t yet healed. They can unknowingly brush up against emotional bruises we’ve carried for years, sometimes without realising it.

So why does this happen, and what can we do about it?

Why Do Relationships Trigger Old Wounds?

We all carry emotional memories. Experiences from childhood, early relationships, or painful past events can leave deep impressions – even if we don’t consciously think about them anymore.

For example:

• If you were criticised a lot growing up, you might feel overly sensitive to feedback from a partner.
  
• If love was inconsistent or conditional, you might feel anxious when someone pulls away, even slightly.
  
• If your needs were often dismissed, being vulnerable might feel unsafe.
  

These emotional imprints live in the background. When something in the present moment resembles a past hurt – even subtly – it can awaken those same emotions, like an old wound being touched.

It’s not about being “too sensitive” or “overreacting.” It’s your nervous system remembering, trying to protect you from getting hurt again.

The Cycle of Trigger and Reaction

Here’s how it often plays out:

1. A situation happens – your partner forgets to message, a friend cancels plans, a colleague leaves you out of something.
   
2. A wound is touched – perhaps one related to feeling abandoned, rejected, or not good enough.
   
3. You feel a strong emotional reaction – maybe anxiety, anger, sadness, or shame.
   
4. You respond in a way that tries to protect you – you might withdraw, become defensive, people-please, or overthink.
   
5. The reaction reinforces the wound – and the cycle repeats.
   

The key is not to judge ourselves for these reactions, but to get curious. What is this really about? Where have I felt this before?

What You Can Do When You’re Triggered

1. Pause and Acknowledge the Feeling

Rather than reacting immediately, try to pause. Take a deep breath and simply name the emotion you’re feeling – “I’m feeling hurt,” “I’m feeling scared,” or “I feel like I’ve been dismissed.” That moment of recognition can make all the difference.

2. Ask: Is This About Now or Then?

This question can help separate the present situation from past pain. Is your response proportionate to what just happened? Or is it tapping into something deeper?

For example, if your partner needs space and you immediately fear they’re going to leave you, ask: Where have I felt this fear before? Often, the present moment is mirroring a much earlier wound.

3. Be Kind to Your Inner Child

The part of you that’s hurting may be a younger version of yourself – a child who didn’t feel seen, safe, or loved. Offering compassion to that part, rather than criticism, can gently begin the healing process.

You might even try saying something like:
“It’s okay to feel this. You’re safe now. You’re allowed to have needs.”

4. Communicate with Care

Once you’ve had a moment to reflect, consider whether this is something you can gently share with the other person. Vulnerable communication – not blaming, but expressing how you feel – can actually bring you closer, and open up opportunities for mutual understanding.

Try using “I” statements, like:
“When X happened, I felt a bit Y. I think it touched something deeper, and I wanted to talk about it.”

5. Seek Support if You Need It

Sometimes these wounds run deep, and healing them requires more than just self-reflection. Therapy can offer a safe, non-judgemental space to explore where these feelings come from, and how to respond to them in healthier, more empowering ways.

Healing Takes Time (And That’s Okay)

Working through emotional triggers isn’t about becoming perfect or never reacting again. It’s about becoming more aware, more compassionate, and more connected to yourself. And over time, those reactions become softer. You learn to respond rather than react. You begin to trust that your feelings are valid – and that you don’t have to be defined by your past.

Relationships will always bring stuff up – but they can also be the very place where healing happens. When we learn to stay present with ourselves, communicate openly, and gently explore our wounds, we start to build relationships that feel safer, more honest, and more fulfilling.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve noticed certain relationships repeatedly leave you feeling unsettled, upset, or unsure of yourself, it might not be a sign that something’s wrong with you – it might just be that something old is being stirred up.

Healing isn’t about avoiding these moments – it’s about understanding them. And you don’t have to do that alone.

Therapy offers a space where your feelings make sense, your history is held with care, and new patterns can begin to emerge. Whether you’re navigating a triggering relationship or exploring your emotional landscape more deeply, you are welcome here.

Bridget