The phrase “inner child” might sound a little abstract at first – something you’ve come across in a self-help book, or heard mentioned in therapy circles. But inner child healing is a powerful and deeply meaningful part of emotional growth, and it can change the way you relate to yourself, your past, and your relationships today.
At its heart, inner child work is about reconnection. Reconnecting with parts of yourself that may have been silenced, neglected, or hurt. It’s about listening to those younger parts of you – not to dwell in the past, but to offer compassion, understanding, and healing where it’s still needed.
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling overly triggered, deeply insecure, or caught in emotional patterns you can’t seem to shift – inner child work may be more relevant to you than you realise.
What Is Your Inner Child?
Your inner child is the part of you that still holds the emotions, memories, needs, and experiences from your early years. It’s the younger version of you – and while you’ve grown into adulthood, this part of you still lives inside, often influencing your thoughts, behaviours, and relationships without you even realising it.
Your inner child might be:
- The four-year-old who felt ignored when they cried
- The seven-year-old who learned to be “good” to earn love
- The teenager who felt misunderstood, isolated, or unworthy
- The part of you that once felt curious, playful, creative, and free
For many people, the inner child holds both wounded and wise qualities. And healing happens when we start to listen to that voice – with kindness, rather than criticism.
Why Does Inner Child Work Matter?
When a child experiences emotional pain – whether that’s neglect, criticism, rejection, or simply having their feelings dismissed – they don’t stop needing love or connection. Instead, they learn to adapt. They develop coping mechanisms: perfectionism, people-pleasing, withdrawing, being the “helper,” or pushing down emotion to keep the peace.
As adults, these adaptations can still be running in the background. You might notice:
- Feeling overly sensitive to rejection or criticism
- Struggling with boundaries or self-worth
- Becoming easily triggered in relationships
- A deep sense of “not being good enough”
- Anxiety or shame that feels bigger than the situation
- Difficulty trusting others or feeling emotionally safe
These reactions often come from an inner child who still feels scared, unseen, or unworthy – and is crying out to be heard.
Common Signs Your Inner Child Needs Healing
Here are some gentle signs that inner child work may be helpful for you:
- Emotional flashbacks – reacting to present-day situations with intense emotion that feels rooted in the past
- Self-sabotage – avoiding success, love, or stability because they don’t feel “safe”
- Harsh inner critic – an internal voice that mirrors past criticism or shame
- Fear of abandonment – anxiety when others pull away, even slightly
- Chronic guilt or people-pleasing – prioritising others to feel accepted or worthy
None of these signs mean you’ve failed. They’re simply protective strategies that once helped you cope – and that may now be limiting your ability to thrive.
How Therapy Can Help
Inner child healing isn’t about blaming parents or reliving the past. It’s about understanding where certain patterns began, and learning how to meet those needs differently now – as the adult you are today.
In therapy, this often begins by gently:
- Recognising the younger parts of you – exploring memories, feelings, or moments that still hold emotional charge
- Listening to what they needed – safety, love, reassurance, permission to feel
- Offering compassion and care – speaking to yourself with kindness, as you would to a child
- Learning to re-parent – developing internal resources to soothe, protect, and support yourself in healthier ways
You might talk to your inner child, write letters to them, or visualise offering them comfort. Over time, this relationship becomes a source of strength, rather than pain.
Reconnecting With Your Inner Child
If you’re curious about connecting with your inner child, here are a few gentle ways to begin:
1. Notice Your Triggers
Next time you feel disproportionately upset, ask yourself: How old do I feel right now? Often, emotional triggers are echoes from the past. This simple question can shift you from reacting to understanding.
2. Revisit Childhood Memories
Look at old photos or recall early experiences. What did you enjoy? What made you feel safe? What was missing? Begin to get to know the younger you with curiosity and care.
3. Do Something Playful
Reconnecting with your inner child isn’t only about healing pain – it’s also about rediscovering joy. Try something creative, playful, or silly. Colour, dance, sing, build something. Playfulness can be a bridge back to forgotten parts of yourself.
4. Speak to Yourself Gently
That inner voice matters. Try using language like, “It’s okay to feel this,” or “You didn’t deserve that,” or “I’m here now, and I’ll take care of you.” Small, kind words go a long way.
Final Thoughts
We all carry our younger selves with us. And those parts of us – the ones who were hurt, silenced, or overlooked – don’t need fixing. They need listening. They need love. They need us.
Inner child work isn’t always easy, but it can be profoundly healing. It allows you to understand yourself with more compassion, break long-standing patterns, and begin to create the emotional safety that may have been missing before.
If you’re ready to explore this gentle work and would like support along the way, therapy can offer a safe space to reconnect, reflect, and heal – at your own pace.
You don’t have to go back alone. We can walk together.
Bridget
Bridget Jenkins Counselling 