We’ve all had moments where our reaction to something feels bigger than the situation seems to warrant. A comment that leaves us reeling. A tone of voice that brings up disproportionate hurt. A small disagreement that sends our nervous system into overdrive. And afterwards, that familiar self-doubt might creep in:
“Was I overreacting?”
“Why did that affect me so much?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
These are painful questions. But they’re also powerful ones, because they open the door to deeper self-understanding.
In many cases, what feels like an “overreaction” isn’t about the present moment at all. It may be a trauma response, your body and mind reacting not just to what’s happening now, but to what’s happened before. And understanding this difference can be both validating and healing.
What Is a Trauma Response?
A trauma response is the way our nervous system and emotional brain react to a situation that reminds us, consciously or unconsciously, of a past experience that felt overwhelming, frightening, or unsafe.
This doesn’t mean you have to have lived through a major traumatic event to have trauma responses. Many people experience developmental trauma, the kind that builds slowly over time in response to emotional neglect, chronic stress, unpredictable caregiving, bullying, or not feeling seen or heard as a child.
Our bodies hold these experiences, and when something in the present moment echoes them, however subtly, it can trigger a survival response.
The Science Behind It
The part of the brain responsible for detecting danger is called the amygdala. It works quickly and without conscious thought. Its job is to scan your environment and alert you to anything that resembles past threat or harm, even if you’re not aware of it.
When the amygdala senses something familiar, it can activate the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. These reactions are automatic and protective. They’re not decisions you consciously make, they’re reflexes your nervous system has learned over time.
That’s why a seemingly minor interaction, a raised eyebrow, a delay in response, a sharp tone, can feel huge. Your body isn’t just reacting to the moment; it’s reacting to a memory it associates with fear, rejection, abandonment, or shame.
Common Trauma Responses That May Feel Like “Overreacting”
Here are some examples of how a trauma response might show up in everyday life:
- Feeling devastated by perceived rejection, even in small forms (a friend rescheduling, someone not replying to a message)
- Experiencing panic or shutdown during conflict, even if the discussion is calm
- Becoming emotionally flooded in situations where you feel criticised or misunderstood
- Over-apologising or people pleasing to keep others happy and avoid disapproval
- Withdrawing completely when something triggers fear or overwhelm
- Reacting defensively or with anger to protect against feeling unsafe or exposed
In these moments, the question isn’t “What’s wrong with me?” but rather “What might this be reminding me of?”
Overreaction vs. Unprocessed Emotion
It’s important to remember that your reaction always makes sense when placed in the context of your story. The emotional response you’re having isn’t irrational, it’s likely rooted in unprocessed pain, unmet needs, or times when you didn’t feel safe to express yourself.
For example:
- If you were ignored as a child when upset, you may become intensely anxious when someone withdraws in adulthood.
- If your boundaries were often ignored, even small intrusions now might feel like violations.
- If you learned to earn love through compliance, someone being disappointed in you may feel unbearable.
These are not overreactions. They are valid, learned responses to what you’ve been through.
Reframing the Question
Instead of asking “Am I overreacting?”, consider asking:
- What am I really feeling underneath this reaction?
- What does this remind me of?
- Is my current response proportionate to the present situation, or is it shaped by the past?
- What part of me feels threatened or unsafe right now?
- What does this part of me need to feel reassured or soothed?
These questions aren’t about minimising your feelings, they’re about understanding them. And that understanding leads to healing.
How Therapy Can Help
Trauma responses can be disorienting, especially when you feel you should be able to “handle” things better. Therapy offers a calm, non-judgemental space to explore the roots of these reactions with curiosity and compassion.
Together, we can:
- Identify emotional triggers and trace them back to their origin
- Learn how your nervous system has adapted to protect you
- Develop tools for emotional regulation, grounding, and self-soothing
- Gently process past experiences that haven’t yet been resolved
- Strengthen your sense of safety, boundaries, and self-trust
This process doesn’t require reliving trauma or explaining everything straight away. Often, the work begins with simply noticing, and allowing your emotional experience to be valid and worthy of care.
Supporting Yourself When Triggered
If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by a situation and suspect it might be a trauma response, here are some gentle ways to support yourself in the moment:
1. Pause and Ground
Bring your awareness to your body. Can you feel your feet on the floor? Can you notice something you can see, hear, or touch? This helps shift your focus from fear to safety.
2. Name the Experience
Simply saying, “This feels big because something old has been stirred up” can reduce the intensity of the emotion. Labelling what’s happening activates the rational parts of the brain.
3. Breathe with Intention
Slow, deep breaths help signal to your nervous system that you are safe. Try breathing in for 4 counts, and out for 6.
4. Offer Compassion to Yourself
Remind yourself: “This reaction is understandable. I am allowed to feel this way. I am learning how to respond differently.” Self-compassion can soften the edges of shame.
Your Feelings Make Sense
If you’ve spent years second-guessing your emotional responses or carrying shame for how deeply you feel, please know this: you are not too much. You are not weak. You are not broken.
You are responding exactly as anyone would, given your experiences.
Learning to recognise a trauma response doesn’t mean you’re “damaged” or that your past controls you. It means you have an opportunity, to understand yourself more deeply, to honour what you’ve been through, and to move forward with greater awareness and care.
You don’t have to figure it all out alone. If this blog resonates with you, and you’re ready to explore what your emotions might be trying to tell you, therapy can offer the space to begin.
You are allowed to feel. You are allowed to heal. And your story is worthy of both.
Bridget
Bridget Jenkins Counselling 