In recent years, conversations around young people’s mental health have become more open and visible, and rightly so. Anxiety, low mood, anger, and emotional overwhelm are increasingly common experiences for children and adolescents as they navigate school, friendships, identity, and a fast-moving world.
One term that often comes up in these conversations is emotional resilience. Unfortunately, it’s sometimes misunderstood.
Emotional resilience does not mean “toughening up”, suppressing feelings, or pushing through at all costs. In fact, true emotional resilience is quite the opposite. It is about learning to listen to emotions, understand what they are telling us, and respond in a way that supports wellbeing rather than harms it.
Emotions Are Messengers, Not Problems
Every emotion has a purpose. For young people especially, emotions can feel intense, confusing, and at times overwhelming, but they are never wrong.
Take anger, for example. Anger is often viewed negatively, yet it plays a vital role. Anger can signal that a boundary has been crossed, something feels unfair, or a problem needs addressing. When young people are taught that anger is “bad”, they may learn to suppress it, which can lead to outbursts, anxiety, or feelings of shame later on. When anger is understood and expressed safely, it becomes a powerful tool for self-respect and problem-solving.
Fear is another emotion that is frequently misunderstood. Fear tells us that we perceive a threat, whether that threat is physical, emotional, or social. For young people, fear might show up as worry about school, friendships, exams, or fitting in. Fear is not a weakness; it is the nervous system trying to protect. Learning to recognise fear allows young people to ask, What am I reacting to? Is this threat real, or perceived? What support do I need right now?
Then there is sadness. Sadness often follows loss, not only bereavement, but changes, disappointments, endings, or unmet expectations. Sadness helps us slow down, process what has happened, and eventually move forward. When young people are rushed through sadness or encouraged to “stay positive”, they may not fully process their experiences. Allowing space for sadness is a vital part of emotional healing and growth.
Teaching Emotional Resilience, Not Emotional Avoidance
Emotional resilience is about developing the ability to sit with emotions rather than escape them. This doesn’t mean dwelling or becoming overwhelmed; it means acknowledging feelings, naming them, and choosing how to respond.
For young people, this might look like:
- Learning the language to describe emotions accurately
- Understanding physical sensations linked to emotions
- Recognising emotional triggers
- Knowing that emotions rise and fall
- Developing safe ways to express feelings
When children and teenagers feel emotionally understood rather than corrected or dismissed, they build trust, both in the adults around them and in themselves.
The Role of Adults
Parents, carers, and professionals play a crucial role in modelling emotional resilience. When adults respond calmly to emotions, even difficult ones, young people learn that feelings are manageable and safe to explore.
Statements such as “That makes sense”, “I can see why you feel that way”, or “Let’s work through this together” can be incredibly grounding. They send a powerful message: You are not alone with this.
Building Resilience for Life
Emotionally resilient young people are not those who never struggle, they are those who know how to respond when they do. By teaching children and adolescents to understand their emotional world, we equip them with lifelong skills: self-awareness, emotional regulation, healthy boundaries, and compassion for themselves and others.
Supporting young people’s mental health starts with one simple but profound shift, moving away from “fixing” emotions, and towards understanding them.
Bridget Jenkins Counselling 